I don't know why I'm writing about this but I needed somewhere to put this even if somebody over the other side of the world will read it.
In April 9th and 10th something happened to me which I had to make a big decision about and its changed me for life I'm not going to put what it was because it's very personal. I acted so cool about it probably too cool as to why its all coming out now, I break down more I cry about pointless things, you're probably think I'm just a typical girl but I used to be so confident and outgoing and this one thing has crushed me and compared to some people it's probably nothing.
This post is probably going to make no sense as I just need to take my mind off things and writing a blogpost helps me with that. Today I got told I had to go to a meeting tomorrow for work purposes and I broke down on the phone to my boss for no reason whatsoever as soon as I hung up I couldn't breathe it was like I couldn't control anything and panic just took over.I phoned my boyfriend crying my eyes out over the fact I couldn't face this meeting and crying over the fact I was crying and couldn't stop. If you'd have seen me 6 months ago I'd have been fine but I think its down to this one decision I had to make has taken over me, it's changed me. I started this blog after I made that decision so I had something to focus on and put my everything into but I don't even feel happy in myself I'm an emotional wreck I don't even want to leave my bed some days because I could wrap myself up in my duvet and cry all day. Now this decision was the right decision but my mind can't stop wandering 'what if'. Maybe this is just how I'm going to be from now on I feel trapped.
I just want to be my loud outgoing normal self again not a teary wreck.
Thanks for reading.